Preamble Axed in Corporate Takeover
In what is being hailed as a landmark decision for progress, Congress has passed the Bill of Corporate Hegemony, securing the merger between the United States government and Planet Earth, Inc. Constitutional Amendments thirty-seven through forty-eight were passed in a sweeping move led by Senator Beverly Gates. The Fortieth Amendment mandates a modification of the original document, striking the entire Preamble. For those of you who may not have read the document upon which your glorious corporate-run democracy was founded, the Preamble is the very beginning of the Constitution of the United States of America. It states what the Founding Fathers set out to create:
We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty, to ourselves, and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America.
The Preamble is to be replaced with the letterhead of Planet Earth, Inc. Other changes are to be made as well. "We felt that the American people want something more from their Constitution than old-fashioned rhetoric. They want something more modern, more in line with modern thinking. We're taking a tremendous leap forward in social evolution," said Chief Executive Propaganda Minister Hillary Bryce-Gates.
Onlookers watched with glazed curiosity at the National Archives as the document was removed from its glass and the modifications were made. Occasionally, some misty-eyed oldster would shed a tear out of nostalgia for the Constitution in its original form. Most onlookers, however, seemed entranced by the spectacle. "Today, we forge a link from the past to a grand and glorious future. Through this ceremony, we physically establish our corporate hegemony as we have established it legally through the passage of Amendments thirty-seven through forty-eight," said President-elect Marshall Gates.
One oldster wept for the day when a president had the full power of veto. The board of trustees holds the power to fire the incumbent president while appointing a new one of their choosing. Presidents use the power sparingly.
Stock prices of Planet Earth, Inc. rose significantly within minutes of the announcement. Wal-Street recommends a quick purchase as a sound investment in your new and improved government. Get in on the new ground floor of corporate citizenship. Shares are limited.